Cold, Ice, Slush, Excretion Colored Snow, and Ass Pains

"I know I'm getting old when I start to really fucking hate snow." -Wes, the master quote generator. (Or, more commonly known as, my older brother)

Luckily, I haven't quite reached the stage of despising snow yet. To me, snow is like that kinda weird aunt, who you appreciate seeing every year on Christmas, because they give you a good present, but once you see them more than once a year, you realize they're kinda nuts, and don't really like to spend so much time with them. Snow in the city, however, is an especially crazy aunt. I mean, it has some upsides, but, just like everything that happens to me, seems to have more down. 

When we first got our huge snowfall, it was unbelievable. It's ridiculous, thinking that the city can be held still by a plethora of frozen water that falls from the sky.  The fact that a bunch of shit falling from clouds can create an almost alternate universe is nuts. I was able to walk through the streets, make snow angels on cars that had no hope of moving for weeks, and fucking eat shit off the ground. How often can you insert something that you find on a city street into your mouth, when you're not attempting suicide?! 

But, alas, the magicness of snow doesn't last past the first day. People crush it in their dirty-ass hipster boots, turning perfect white loveliness into a slushy, poop-colored mixture. They walk their dogs (I guess I'm guilty too), who then excrete on the snow, making it turn a lovely yellow color, which would easily trick a stupid three year old into thinking they're eating a lemon icee. Plow trucks come around and clear the streets, making  my winter wonderland disappear in a few hours. But that's like Christmas with my crazy-ass aunt. She gives me a kinda great present, which will become unentertaining in a few days, and sit in my closet, gathering dirt and dust, just like the snow on the street. 

But then we get more snow. And more. And fucking more! It's enough! I like snow, but with the obnoxious chancellor not giving us a snow day, and it basically just making my commute everywhere a thousand times harder, it's annoying! Now, the snow is all fucking ice, which is really bad news, because my already uncoordinated feet that can barely handle walking on normal ground, end up slipping like every three steps, making my ass feel like there's a little man on the inside of it, who's sole purpose in life is to make my butt feel extreme pain. But alas, there is one last upside. The city is basically a mass of lights, which yes, makes it hard to fall asleep. The ice glows under the blaring streetlights, serving as a friendly little reminder that if I step in that shiny spot, I will break my butt.

Lesson of the day? That Mother Nature needs to quit with this, and go make some village in Africa that's suffering from a drought really rainy. 

...Or maybe that I should stop wearing my converse, and get some shoes with more friction on the bottom..

Song of the Day: Winter, by Joshua Radin. How very fitting.